Regina is Russian

I run, sometimes.

I walk, hardly ever.

Until now.

When my plans have changed and my schedule has shifted, 

All by force.

Humans have fallen into the hands of Nature.

Here’s to the Coronavirus 2020.

I used to write songs in my early 20’s.

I had a lyric that sang,

“I walk all day to finally say, 

The old has gone away

And I have returned with a new name.”

The sound of it was decent.

I even tried to imitate Regina Spektor in how I emphasized “return”.

She was one of my favorites at the time.

I mean, who wouldn’t say that in 2010?

When a friend of mine first listened to this song, he kindly asked,

“Wait, how do you say ‘return’?”

I get it: I was trying too hard, and the way I sang it with a “th” sound for the t is not anywhere close to how I actually say the word.

I mean, let’s be honest, Regina is Russian. 

I am most definitely not Russian.

The meaning behind that song fell to the tune of a bad breakup and finding my voice again.

I think I was writing about my high school boyfriend who I dated for a year and a half but had some leftover stains and stubbles to deal with in college.

He kept dating my friends… kept showing up at bars and parties…you know, that kind of ex.

The type that’s hard to never see again, which is usually my style of a breakup.

The thing is, I often do this thing in relationships where I get scared to use my voice.

In fact, I shrink.

My voice gets tiny.

With age I am getting better, I promise.

My vocal chords are gaining strength and my impulse to run has weakened.

You know what?

Sometimes life calls us to walk.

Whether it be all day or for a 20 minute rush out the door when we are cooped up in our houses, quarantined for what seems like decades.

What does it look like for you, for me, for all of us, to walk right now?

To casually but mindfully take one step after another at a slower pace than normal, perhaps with an announcement or statement or yes, a “new name”… or perhaps not. 

Sometimes it’s nothing more than just that: 

A walk.